


ruby, take my hand [handsome, not pretty]

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Death, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Sad, Self Harm, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Transgender, trans!josh, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 05:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10379943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: until fourteen, tyler and ruby were best friends.then she was sent away for three years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> inspired particularly by ruby, but incorporates references to the whole rab album
> 
> its also kinda vague so?? sorry if its confusing

it was purple at that point, shades of plum and drippings of cherry. bloated, thickened, swollen.

the chord was stretched to the maximum, like a rubber band about to snap. he walked into the kitchen intending to sneak in some food. the night before he received no dinner.

when he saw the collage of morbid shades, he passed out.

his father had hung himself from the kitchen sink.

[sha da de da dum]

he remembers playing with ruby when they were young. he remembers her curly hair and dazzling smile.

they were friends until the age of fourteen.

she was so happy sometimes, but there were flashes of desperation and sadness that caught tyler's eye. he asked her one day, why she was so blue like rainstorm clouds.

"i hate my body," she whispered.

he swallowed the lump in his throat. "but you're pretty."

"i don't want to be pretty."

[sha da de da dum]

the last time he saw her she was clutching him like a teddy bear, sobs thundering into him and shaking her body.

"what's wrong?" he asked, but he knew the problem.

her hair had been cut hazardously, choppy curls sticking to her scalp. tyler still found her beautiful.

"please," she sobbed. "please, they're coming... i can't handle what they'll say."

he led her to his bedroom, where she fell in love with the touch of his heavy blankets.

"what's going on?"

"i can't tell you," she said after awhile. "i'm not the person you think i am. s-so i won't say why, but i just need you to be here, okay?"

and he listened, because he loved his angel.

[sha da de da dum]

they played pretend when they were little. she threw daffodils and claimed to be an alien queen, arriving to save earth from sickness and disease.

later they played videogames, where she spoke softly about the universe and the stars and the lives occuring.

with maturity, they needn't play games. all she did was speak, and he listened, really listened and didn't just hear.

once she told him that his eyes glowed, and he said he hated his eyes.

"why?"

"they're my father's and grandfather's eyes."

"you aren't the same person as them."

"they were all different people. but they all still ended up in a grave."

[sha da de da dum]

then she was gone.

three years straight.

her mother would drive out every weekend and visit her, wherever she may be.

tyler asked and recieved no responses.

[sha da de da dum]

he cuts his stomach because he deserves it.

he quit the baskteball team, for that he earns a cut.

he drove ruby away, for that he earns a cut.

he lost all his friends, for that he earns a cut.

he drove his father to suicide,

 _for that he earns a cut_.

[sha da de da dum]

she says it with a bobbing head and glowing eyes, animated chatter.

seven days and ruby will return from the institute she was held captive in.

"shade dadüma," said mrs.dun, clapping her hands. "great place."

great place for mrs.dun to ship her kid away to, tyler thought. probably not so great for ruby.

[sha da de da dum]

ruby never returned.

not as ruby, but as josh.

their hands entwined perfectly.

"you're handsome," he said quietly.

"that's all i ever wanted to be."

[sha da de da dum]

josh's room is now a deep, royal red. tyler hands him a soda:

"it's just a small gift, 'cause, well we used to joke about grape soda? and you said you never tasted it, and--"

"it's perfect, thank you."

but he doesn't drink it.

[sha da de da dum]

tyler shows him the songs, the scribbled lyrics and random notes. josh listens and watches.

"you're talented. i try but... i only have ideas that can not be conveyed."

[sha da de da dum]

it wasn't supposed to happen, but tyler was glad it did.

they were scrubbing dishes from a plate of microve pizza they had eaten. when they had finished, josh gave the same smile that ripped tyler apart and pieced him back together. 

he was convinced that pure smile could cure cancer.

and then it was quick: they were kissing and it tasted how summer feels and josh's hands felt like the scent of daffodils, and tyler was quick but gentle and slow but rough, everything a tower of rubies and emeralds and diamonds.

and when he unbound josh's chest, he kissed the shameful tears away.

josh was handsome in every sense of the word, wether breasts bounced as they collided or wether a flat chest remained.

and they did not fuck, they made love.

and tyler was rocking josh against the kitchen sink, and josh was turning the plum and cherry red memories sugary-sweet bitter apple.

and when it was rising and building and consuming him whole, tyler croaked, "choke me."

 

he still loved josh when his hands were wrapped around his neck, and god did it feel good to be lost in pleasure and pain.

[sha da de da dum]

"don't you ever do that again."

his thumb is brushing the raised scars.

"don't you ever become as dangerous as a gun. i can't sleep with the thought of you hurt."

"but it's not being hurt if i love it," he reasons.

and josh can only close his eyes and hope his mind will change.

[sha da de da dum]

_there was no reason to stay._

_the only question that kept me hear was asking myself if i wanted to say goodbye to the glowing eyes and the happy days._

_I never recieved an answer._

_this is my answer._

_love,_   
_dad_

[sha da de da dum]

_jish: I love you_

_jish: im trying to sleep but yur lights on_

_jish: are you hurting yourself_

_jish: answer me_

_tyjo: no_

_tyjo: yes_

_tyjo: im sick_

_jish: no yer not_

_tyjo: yes I am_

_tyjo: I drive everyone away_

_jish: not me_

_tyjo: sureee_

_tyjo: you didn't even drink the soda I boughf you_

_jish: wow seriously_

_jish: watch me_

and tyler watched as josh guzzled the grape drink from across the way.

_tyjo: im sorry im like this_

_jish: whatever.  goodnight_.

[sha da de da dum]

there were daffodils at josh's funeral.

tyler memorized the poem josh had tried to write, the poem they printed on his tombstone out of honour:

_we all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great,_   
_i know some people who know people who are flying straight,_   
_but i'll kindly enter into rooms of depression,_   
_while ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again._

_we live for the night's decor,_   
_it reveals what we dream of._

he cried softly, grasping the pen in his pocket so hard he felt the blue ink bleed on his hands.

they say josh died of an allergic reaction to the soda he drank before bed.

it was grape flavored.

**Author's Note:**

> guys im not creative so
> 
> if you have a request or whatever hit me up
> 
> Ill do fluff, smut, kinks, sad crap, whatever
> 
> I just need some kind of inspo or something


End file.
